The Life I Draw Upon

All Growed Up

2011-09-27T00:16:00.000-07:00

While getting ready yesterday morning, I was alarmed to realize that I have now reached the age where one's brain apparently stops developing. This worries me.

I often feel embarrassed by my lack of maturity. It's not a considerable deficit, nor would I characterize it as consistent, but the situational absence is quite enough for me to resent it.

I don't want to be done growing.

Marriage!

2011-07-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

i had a sudden craving for oysters

are you pregnant?

i didn't say oysters and ice cream, just oysters.

OYSTERS AND PICKLES! I SAID OYSTERS AND PICKLES, DAMN IT!

i'm pregnant with pauses.

you will make a very scary preggo

wow, i can't wait to have children with you.

Day 2 of 30

2011-06-03T00:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight was our final dress rehearsal before my dance company's performance of "Swept Away" -- opening tomorrow night. Though these pictures are actually from an early dress rehearsal a few weeks ago, I spent this evening dancing this and a handful of other pieces with some 40 other talented, passionate individuals. As I'll have six performances over the next two weekends, some of my creative focus needs to be placed there, but in keeping with the goal of this month, I'll still make sure something tangible comes out of it. The pictures here are simple; snapshots at the beginning and middle of a lift with my effortlessly talented partner, Michael Sereckso.

My work birthday

2011-06-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

I started my job here at Draftfcb a year ago today. I can't believe how quickly it has gone by, but isn't that how it always goes?

Because my supervisor had a really busy day, I wasn't asked to come in until 2pm. I spent the morning sleeping in, lounging in my PJs, and reflecting on the fact that I was returning to a full-time job at an agency for the first time in three years. This was the conversation that took place just a bit before I left for my first day.

12:22 PM me: so, i start my job in an hour and 38 minutes

that is WEIRD

12:23 PM Jordan: that is REALLY weird

me: hah

it's kind of like, one of those things you shouldn't be able to talk about and share

i'm feeling very IN the moment, you know?

it's like pressing pause between when a boy is leaning towards you and when he kisses you

12:24 PM shit just doesn't happen, hah

Jordan: are you so excited?!

me: haha

yeah, i think so

i'm feeling like i should have sent thank you cards or something, for the offer

is that kind of thing standard?

should i bring cupcakes?

lol

fuck me.

apparently i'm nervous.
(20 some minutes pass in other conversation)
me: ok, i really need to shower and get ready. need to leave here in about 45 minutes

wish me luck and limited awkwardness

Jordan: i wisk you luck and limited awkwardness

Awesome. Oh, and by the way? I definitely got there late, having not eaten lunch.

(Sorry Mom, Dad, in-laws, etc. for excessive swearing. I blame nerves.)

Beginning 30 Days of Creativity with a little inspiration

2011-06-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have 29 days of creation ahead of me, and I know myself well enough to know I'll need a kick in the ass here and there to make it happen. To help ensure this project reaches cruising altitude, I've compiled a mix of songs that I feel fall under the category of Anthem, as per a music exchange project I've been doing over the past year with one Alex Lumans, with my Alex later joining in. I know this isn't exactly creation in the strictest sense, but I'm at peace with that. I've been putting off this mix for no reason I can explain, but it seemed an appropriate way to kick off this month of creation and inspiration.

The Stills- Still in Love

You'll see as this list goes on that you can likely predict I'll consider a song to be an anthem based on a few basic principles: a chorus that reads like a declaration, or a repeated mantra. A backing choir. A driving energy. But while these principles lend themselves to "go get 'em!" kinds of songs on the verge of losing control as they giddily forget to put their feet solidly on the ground, this song reminds me that an anthem is more about the passion behind the declaration, be it happy or painful.

Elton John- Philadelphia Freedom

Seriously, try not to feel like Mary Tyler Moore throwing her cap into the air while you listen to this. This song feels like the song they'd play in a movie when the recently-dumped protagonist, helped by some quirky co-star naturally, decides to embrace life and gets to it. It's totally designed for a morning montage--dude looks at himself in the mirror, shaving. He pauses to smile a self-congratulatory smirk quickly after he wipes away the shaving cream. We see his hands grab a tie and secure it around his neck. He grabs a banana and walks out the door onto a sunny sidewalk, clearly shot during the noonday sun because the morning light just doesn't read cheery enough, damn it!

Ben Folds- The Ascent of Stan

This is somewhat of an unfair pick as it is irrevocably tied with my first summer of freedom, driving around my hometown to and from my friends' homes. But the truth of it is that the piano and harmony in this song used to fill my car to bursting until the chorus would finally let loose the floodgates. There's a kind of accomplishment sewn into this song, a feeling of progress, that to this day catapults me forward--a musical catalyst.

Saves the Day- This is Not an Exit

Apparently the early 2000's were ripe years for anthems. Anyway, this unique anthem speaks to such hopeful desperation, and naive optimism, admittedly the core of most any movement behind an anthem, don't you think?

Smashing Pumpkins- Tonight, Tonight

Beyond the words, ignoring the themes present--just get swept up by the strings.

The Avett Brothers- Matrimony

A song I listened to incessantly while living in Richmond. Something about the energy with which they stumble bewildered into a marriage is impossible to ignore, and while they're certainly not the first to pair lyrics that speak to negativity with an upbeat soundtrack (Reel Big Fish created their entire sound on the premise of Emo in the Key of G Major,) this is just a beautiful execution.

White Rabbits- The Plot

Ideal for road trips, particularly in the last 30 minutes before reaching your destination. I'll say nothing more but to provide simple instructions: Ensure you're alone. Turn it up LOUD. Let the drums get your heart rate going. And of course, sing along. Rinse, repeat.

Chicago- 25 or 6 to 4

Yes. Sir.

Britney Spears- Dance Until the World Ends

Ok, you can't understand how much I struggled with putting this on here. I hated you for making me like a Kesha (NO I will recognize her ridiculous use of a dollar sign) song from one of your past mixes, and I can't say I've entirely forgiven you. But. It has just lowered my self-esteem enough to accept that I can't help but get pumped up by this stupid, stupid song. A few weeks ago, I was running on next to zero sleep with a huge event to run less than 24 hours away, and I put this song on repeat for a little bit while rushing around, printing off schedules and gathering contacts and paying invoices. And, well, it worked--it was my morning anthem. My officemate Erin was telling me a story once that involved that moment where you're just drunk enough when you're at some bar or club that when you hear some guilty pleasure song come on overhead, you're powerless over the impulse to point at the ceiling and yell, "I love this fucking song!" This is totally that song for me.

The Dodos- Horny Hippies

I love tom drums. Have I told you this before? I love tom drums, so much. Incidentally, they are one of the leading causes for my love of White Rabbits, but they are also the perfect driving force in this delicate anthem.

Blitzen Trapper- Furr

As much a fable as an anthem, I love the idea that this song gives us permission to just take in what happens around us and let it move us. Surely a mantra to live by.

"Your hair's getting long..."

2011-01-05T13:57:00.000-08:00

Alex: i have a bittersweet memory of universal studios that hopefully this will replace

me: what's that?

Alex: it was the last trip danielle and i took as a couple thing before the "incident"

me: boo

we're going to have an amazing time there. all sweet, no bitter.

Alex: good

i just had a sudden slight wave of superstition equivalent to scott pilgrim's haircut

me: hahahahaha

i love you so much

On Michele Bachmann, briefly

2010-11-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

"As a state legislator, she was filmed hiding in the bushes at a rally against her same-sex marriage amendment. She once brought people into the Minnesota Capitol to pray over the desks of lawmakers who opposed her. Highlights of her time in Congress include the uncomfortably long embrace of George W. Bush after a state of the union address. More recently, her opposition to energy-efficient lightbulbs garnered jeers and notoriety."

This is from a Star Tribune article from 2008, just before the presidential election. We knew these things about her two years ago...so how did she get re-elected in District 6 yesterday? SERIOUSLY? Seriously.

TFMM- The Minnesota Life

2010-11-02T22:46:00.001-07:00

"Just came from a celine dion tribute and a casino!!!!!"

my response: "Damn mom, living the life! Heh."

TFMM- Spotted

2010-11-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

"Saw a lisence plate, male in a truck, mc hot e! Do u still watch greys anatomoy?"

TFMM- Proof she's cooler than me

2010-11-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

"The dog days are over. Even Florence and the machine knew sq* went home! I miss her."

*sq being Squeegee, obviously

Yes, she quoted Florence and the Machine unaided.

Talking it out

2010-10-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

Jordan: it sounds pretty complicated to me.

me: eh, yes and no

so, i guess yes, hah

Happy Poppie's Day!

2010-06-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

Texts From My Mom (TFMM), Edition the first

2010-06-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

Her first text, November 19th: "Hi are you proud of me"

And another to prove there may just be something to this--

The unintended dig: "Limited has skinny stretch jeans 70.00 and I just sent you coupons from there. They have a curvy fit in the hips. Love you"

HTC/Verizon/Android update conspires against me

2010-06-01T15:07:00.000-07:00

My lovely friend Jay and I had planned to have a phone date when he was driving a 7-hour trip Friday night. We had a lot of catching up to do, and he had a lot of time on his hands, so he asked me to call him once I had some time. My phone had just let me know of an update that it needed, so I figured I'd download and install it before I called Jay. Little did I know that this whole ordeal would take over an hour, and that when I finished, all of my contacts would be renamed "Unknown." Suddenly, my phonebook of over 500 numbers was 90% of the way to being unchanged, yet 100% useless. Thankfully, after about two hours and a trip to the Verizon store (where they basically told me, "Wait,") the contacts started to return. I checked for Jay's number and sure enough, his name popped up with the familiar digits I remembered from high school. I immediately called, even though it was late by then and I thought he might have already reached his destination.

This was the exchange that followed:
me: "hey! are you still in the car? or have you arrived?"

him: "...what?"

me: "are you still driving or have you arrived?"

him: "...where?"

me: "um...i don't know where you were going"

him: "...claire. this is jason."

me: "....god damn it."

Guest Post: It's not every day that a dog gets mail...

2010-05-14T14:26:00.000-07:00

...but every dog has her day!

It says my name...

...but are you sure this is for me??

Hmm....this smells like grandma and grandpa's place...

What is it!? What is it!?!? Must sniff sniff sniff.

It's from grandpa!! I gave it a little lick just in case he could feel it. It sure did smell like him.

Me and my new poster! Squeegee Squad!

On car vs bus commutes, and yelling

2010-05-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

suzanne.jarosz :the only thing i can do is sing along to the radio, and eat. both things that do not add to my quality of life.

5:03 PM me: NOT TRUE!

oh my goodness, if you knew how much i miss singing to music

particularly in the car, when you feel in control

5:04 PM living in the city, in an apartment building, there are very few opportunities for making noise

http://ihaveanidear.blogspot.com/2009/07/yelling-rooms.html

5:05 PM suzanne.jarosz: hahaha. you could make noise, but the question of being heard is different.

me: exactly

suzanne.jarosz: omg. i am totally on board with the yelling rooms

5:06 PM my version: the pillow scream.

equally effective. it got me through college

5:09 PM me: hahahahhaa

ill have to try that

might still freak Alex out, but that's about it, hah

5:11 PM suzanne.jarosz: years ago, rian asked me how i stay so calm and i responded "pillow scream"--that moment changed her life...and little did our roommates know, but they had double pillow screams happening almost every night.

5:13 PM me: hahahahahahha

that's fantastic

On growing up

2010-05-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

claire: i think i need to buy some makeup

face makeup. i don't own any.

Jordan: good lord. how do you not own face makeup

me: concealer, foundation, the whole bit

hahaha

Jordan: probs because you have good skin

me: i just never wore it

not great skin, by any means

i have a lot of weird rosiness, but i just distract from it by wearing blush

(in the right places, hah)

otherwise, i just never gave enough of a crap

8:10 PM like, i cared, but it felt like i was fighting a losing battle

8:11 PM i don't like wearing makeup that you can SEE im wearing makeup

for the most part, anyway

8:12 PM Jordan: get bare minerals

at Ulta

i love it.

you hardly wear any of it

but it gives you a polished look

8:14 PM me: i've almost purchased it multiple times

but im such an idiot, i dont even know the order of things

isn't there one other kind of face makeup?

foundation, concealer, and....

Jordan: they do free tests on yoU!

they teach you how to do it

if you go to an Ulta store.

me: there's one right on Powell street

8:15 PM Jordan: go try it

they'll do a lil makeover

me: i got a free sample on the street two weeks ago

8:32 PM me: but i think it was just the mineral powder

er wait

the thing that goes on top, whatever the hell that is

Jordan: mineral veil

awesome stuff.

8:35 PM me: im excited :)

i feel like i'm growing up, hah

8:36 PM Jordan: lol...let's see? you're married. you moved to San Fran. you bought a dog. NOW you feel like an adult? because you're going to buy makeup?

me: hahahahahahhahaa

fair enough.

I'll be asking the questions around here.

2010-04-06T19:14:00.001-07:00

It's interesting that in a time in my life that my livelihood depends upon my ability to impress someone in an interview, I'm also spending most of my (paid) time interviewing others.

I have painfully little training in interviewing, and yet more than anything else (except perhaps writing,) it is the skill that is most often drawn upon by those seeking my help.

I think it's time to brush up, no?

The Life I Draw Upon, Now with 100% More Friends!

2010-03-25T15:14:00.000-07:00

me: i need to shower

Alex: yes you do

always listen to that voice

(There was always someone) Carrying Cathy

2010-02-03T15:18:00.000-08:00

I've reached the age where the death of older family members feels almost constant. In the past three years, I've lost my grandpa and my great aunt and uncle. In the past 7 months, Alex has lost his grandma and grandpa. I know that my world view has changed, but I'm not quite sure yet exactly how. I only hope that it hasn't made me more callous or cold.

Momentary Musing

2010-01-03T22:02:00.001-08:00

I had a thought tonight, and that is we are always in survival mode. I sometimes think of the way Alex and I are living is a product of being in survival mode. Yes, I'd like that can with the dent that's 35 cents off for purely cosmetic reasons please, thank you. But in reality, we're ALWAYS in survival mode. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be dependent on me. I'm going to pay my rent/mortgage. I'm going to buy my food. I'm going to have these responsibilities without pause. I need to build this into my life the same way I build eating and sleeping in--otherwise, this life will get very tiring.

Knock knock...

2009-11-26T23:05:00.000-08:00

You know it's bad when someone can tell you the last time you updated your blog, and when its been multiple months.

It's really not ok.

And so for you, my loyal few, I return, head in hands, but with new commitment, not only to you but to these very fingers typing to you now and the words I wake up each day hoping will flow from them. Wow, well that's a bad start I suppose--sure, the words are coming but really, woof. Edit much?

Hrm. Let's try this again.

I've been spending the last few months trying to figure out what of what I do is a hobby and what is my career, and the truth is, they both come down to the same thing. Research, analysis, and most importantly, writing. I just have to decide what I research, and who benefits from it.

Ultimately, I'm not entirely sure what the answer is, but I know that involves practicing, like a lot. So I'll be back here, sharing the stories that don't have a home anywhere else. I appreciate your readership, and I'll do my best to make it worth both of our time :)

When the Twitter fail whale fails...

2009-08-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

...you get this:

Eek. I like the fail whale enough...can't say I'd ever (EVER) buy anything with the whale on it, but I really enjoyed the Livejournal page fail that I discovered the other day at work:

I'd have expected Xanga to harken back to All Your Base are Belong to Us, but I was impressed the Livejournal managed it. Oh man, the web used to be a crazy place...

This is how I know I live below the poverty line

2009-07-25T17:17:00.000-07:00

In the early 1960's, Ken Cosgrove was making $300/week.

Almost 50 years later, I'm making $400/week, and I sure as hell don't have a secretary either.

Good thing I've got a man to take care of me. (See, things really haven't changed much.)

Na Husle

2009-07-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why it makes me sad to see others achieving the dreams I used to have. Let me be clear. These dreams are ones I chose to give up. Dreams that were out-dreamed by other dreams. Ones I fully expect to make me very, very happy.

My first thought was that maybe it had to do with the fact that I haven't yet reached the dreams I've chosen instead. But I don't think this is it; no, there's a sense of nostalgia to this that I think would be there no matter what. I felt as though I got the chance to look at what my life could have been, and I envy your happiness. It makes me wish I wanted what you want. It feels strangely like I dropped part of me instead of redefined me.

Anyway. I'm glad you're happy. And I know I'll be happy too. And that I AM happy.

Go get it.

Stress dreams are the funniest of all

2009-06-22T14:36:00.001-07:00

For the most part, I'm really not too concerned about my wedding. I think it'll go just fine, anything that goes "wrong" really won't be a big deal because honestly, what's the big deal in the first place? I'm just hoping to have fun. That would kind of suck if it wasn't a fun day.

But as I've had a few times since Alex and I got engaged, last night I had a wedding stress dream.

First off, Alex wasn't my groom. That's a problem.

Second, my groom wasn't up front, and I was sitting in the front row watching my bridesmaids (in ugly light purple dresses circa the 90's) walked down the aisle. I then realized I had to leave so I could follow them.

Third, my dress was shin-length for no apparent reason, and I had on some random shoes. I asked someone if I had time to run upstairs and change shoes, but she said no. I debated and then went upstairs anyway. For some reason, I elected to take a shower, washing my hair after it had already been done. But at least I put on some different shoes. Black flats, to be more exact. Those ALSO weren't the plan. But I went downstairs anyway.

I realized my mom had cut the flower budget completely, so I made two white paper napkin buds and held them as if they were a pitiful bouquet. At this point they had postponed the wedding an hour, so I went and sat down with some strangers who made fun of my flowers and told me to carry a candle instead. Then suddenly the wedding was happening but I was still in some side room holding my candle. I ran to the door where I found my groom wearing a suit that was designed with tessellations.

Yup, tessellations. And even though he was supposed to be up front and his suit was horribly ugly and he wasn't Alex, I was just so totally relieved to see him.

The doors then opened for me to walk down the aisle and the dream was over.

Ok, what in the world!?!?

Quick:

2009-04-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

Rihanna or Michael Jackson?

Need inspiration and exhilaration?

2009-03-24T17:16:00.003-07:00

Right now, go download Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind" and listen to the complexity of the guitar during the chorus--it is BEYOND incredible. Then listen to it again. Just beautiful.

A Day in Dolores Park

2009-02-24T18:18:00.000-08:00

Today I went out to Dolores Park in the Mission with Gavin, who taught me the basics of slacklining. Definitely going to be a little sore tomorrow, but it was a really awesome time.

I was a bit of a slow learner, and it's a pretty difficult skill. It's not quite like tightrope walking, where there's a lesser chance of the line oscillating (which slackliners call "surfing") and thankfully its only a few feet above ground.

While it requires a lot of leg strength (considering the constant adjustments for balance) I think I'll almost be more sore because of the strange twisting and torquing to keep from falling.

But this little guy was AWESOME:

Light cursing in these videos, but definitely helps you get the idea:

Given the chance, you should definitely give this a try.

An Answer to my desire for selflessness

2009-02-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

I got the apartment cleaned up and ended up with a whole bag of stuff we didn't need. I ended up bringing it down and donating it to the Raphael House Thrift Store, which supports the Raphael House, which in turn supports the local homeless.

Feeling better.

Hysterical Laughter from Apt. 317

2009-02-20T16:36:00.001-08:00

This actually gets funnier the more you watch it, and I can't help but get caught up in how much the anchors are laughing:

Enjoy!

Brand advocates make me giggle

2009-02-18T17:12:00.000-08:00

caffocker: oregon trail is coming to iphone
me: so ive heard
caffocker: which means you have NO reason
not to get one
caffocker: unless you kill enough oxen in your free time already

From NYT, Wednesday January 21st, 2009

2009-02-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

Regarding Unleaven Bread Ministries, an online faith community-

"The site shares stories of faith healing and talks about the end of the world." - Dirk Johnson

O..k....I guess most faiths touch on or around these topics, but kind of a weird way to summarize it, no?

The Importance of Selflessness, and Self

2009-02-09T22:17:00.001-08:00

I've really been wanting to support charities in some way lately. I really really wish I had the available funds to buy some PJs for a local project, and register for the 3-day walk for breast cancer in October, but Alex and I have set forth a financial plan that doesn't allow for a stray dollar (aka when I go out to coffee, I bring my own tea bag :) Some call it rude, I call it frugal). I'm looking for volunteer opportunities and already have a couple warm leads, but it seems misguided to spend time volunteering when I don't even have a steady income. Hopefully I'll find a balance; I really feel like I need to be doing something for someone other than myself, but I gotta support myself too. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon.

A Shock

2009-02-04T18:25:00.000-08:00

The past few days I've been concerned because one of the apartments just down from mine had newspapers piling up outside the door. After a few days I started thinking I should tell the office, but then they disappeared, so I figured it was a tenant that didn't work and didn't leave the apartment much. But then today I saw there were four papers and I walked over and, well, sniffed, to see if I smelled decay. I know, maybe that was weird of me, but nothing seemed awry.

Tonight when going across the street to get milk and cookie dough, I found two police officers outside the apartment. What I had guessed was true. My poor neighbor had passed away, and someone else had collected the papers thinking it'd be prudent to take them off the step so as to not make the apartment look abandoned while he was (apparently) away on vacation.

I know it doesn't make sense to feel bad about not contacting the office when I had thought to, but I still feel very sad for his passing and the fact that no one was aware of it for so long.

I hardly knew him, and the times we met were always very...strange. The first time we spoke he asked me to cut his fingernails (he was quite old, and I imagine the task was difficult). I had never seen him before and I made some excuse and shuffled away as politely as I could. I didn't think he lived here because to be honest, he looked quite ragged and our apartment building has rent a bit steeper than it looked like he could afford, so I went down to the office to tell them, but they said he just rarely was out and about and that he was indeed my neighbor. While we saw each other often after that, the next, and last, time we spoke, was when he talked to me about my cell phone. He told me, twice, that I could use it to call Osama Bin Laden. He was clearly a bit confused and I felt bad for him, and I just replied that I indeed could.

I was happy to find he died of natural causes, but I can't help but feel sorry for him, and sorry I wasn't able to at least let his death be known sooner. But such is life.

Oh WOW

2009-02-04T15:46:00.001-08:00

I kinda feel bad for this kid, but it is, at once, adorable and hilarious. Ramblings post-dental work.

Enjoy.

The life of a VRC

2009-01-31T20:12:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I made a number of interesting calls. These included one to a business called Women of the Moose. Another to a woman who goes by "Twizzle the Clown." Her voicemail explained that she went away for a few months with the circus. One business was listed as being called "Place That Sells Vacuums" but was actually called The Sewing Shop. Still had the same manager.

I won't even go into the one about the guy who asked if I was from covert ops who said I might be his assassinator.

I've really enjoyed helping out at the MDA, but these bits definitely take the cake.

Speaking of bird screens...

2009-01-16T16:35:00.000-08:00

Straight from Philly...

Yup. That's my fiance. Picture was taken from Tor's blog. What the heck!? Can they do that?

(It is because of this instance that I looked further into the most recent picture I wanted to put up on my professional blog, Conversation A. Turns out after some digging that I needed written permission to use the photo. I ended up calling the photographer who graciously allowed me to use it.)

Maybe I just don't get it...

2009-01-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

...but if bird strikes are a common problem for airplanes, couldn't they just put a metal grid, like a screen, over the engines? Would that really mess all that much with the efficiency of the engine?

Even if it did, wouldn't it be worth it to avoid this?

I mean, even in this case, everyone survived. There have been significantly worse results in past instances.

June 21st, 2005

2009-01-14T16:16:00.000-08:00

From my Livejournal, which has been with me since 2003. A nice post to remember on occasion.

People are fighting battles every day. Maybe it's drugs, maybe it's love, maybe it's with death, maybe a missed opportunity, maybe sickness, maybe unhappiness, a bad decision, their past. But on every single day that someone loses their battle, someone wins. If today isn't your day, get up ready to fight tomorrow. At least you've got that chance.

Sometimes you're fighting with yourself, and you can't win that kind of battle in just a day. Many nights, you may go to bed defeated. Many nights you may collapse worn and exhausted. But you'll wake up every day with another chance to win. So why stop fighting? It won't get any easier if you're submissive to something you can be powerful over.

I hate to see you hurting.

There have been MIRACLES in the history of our world. Spectacular things have happened against all odds and with everything going against them, including logic, reason, and life as we know it. There are things in life that seem like they need a miracle, but maybe it just takes realizing that when you put all the positive things together in one pile, what you're looking at is indeed a miracle. If nothing else, it's enough. Embrace it. Thrive on it. Live by it. And most importantly, remember it.

When you do, you suddenly wonder what ISN'T going right. That's a damn good feeling. Best of luck.

Unemployment

2009-01-12T12:17:00.001-08:00

Well, I'm back to unemployment. I got bit by the "last in, first out" monster and have to take to the streets again. I'm tired of working really hard just to not get paid (aka the job search). Problem is, its not like something will just fall in my lap, I have to keep trying. The forest doesn't just disappear, you have to find your way out. Just kind of tired of the journey.

The good news is that I've been practicing my violin a lot, so perhaps I'll go out and play on the street. Also, I've made some contacts here and there and can check back in with folks (both part-time jobs and career jobs). So, you know, silver lining.

City Playlist

2009-01-08T15:33:00.000-08:00

Perfect for a solo walk through the city. Preferable for night-time use, but still enjoyable during the day. I can't quite find the word I'm looking for, but its for when you want to revel in being alone and just watch the world around you. Let me also say that the playlist is a journey, and not meant to be listened to out of order.

The Dear Hunter- Battesimo Del Fuoco

Kate Havnevik- Timeless

Sia- Breathe Me

Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek

Rogue Wave- Love's Lost Guarantee

DeVotchKa- How It Ends

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova- If You Want Me

Sparta- Air

Travis- The Humpty Dumpty Love Song

My early Christmas present!

2008-11-19T00:22:00.000-08:00

Alex came home tonight hands and arms full of christmas joy. All I asked for from him for Christmas was a tree and for our apartment to be decorated. Even though we won't be in town for the actual DAY of Christmas, I wanted to get excited for the season and anticipate the holiday.

With him was one small tree (which we're getting another of!), blue lights, white twinkling lights, snowflake garland, silver bell garland, small red bulbs, large red bulbs with gold decoration, gold garland, and red and green bell garland. It was incredibly unexpected because of course Thanksgiving hasn't yet come and gone, but we put up the tree with our blue ornaments (thanks to my mom for some beautiful blue bulbs!) and are treating it as our "winter tree," whereas we'll get the other tree as a "christmas tree" after thanksgiving. I broke out my dad's mix of Christmas tunes that I listened to as a kid and we put on some George Winston, beautiful winter music. The beauty of growing up is getting to begin your own traditions...and break all the old rules.

As if it wasn't already so much more than enough, Alex apparently has something else for me for Christmas. While I didn't want him to do so much for me, I'm glad he appreciates decorating for Christmas as much as I do :)

A few pictures, though the quality is poor--

From Pier 1 at 7:20 am

2008-11-19T00:16:00.000-08:00

Mmmm....a beautiful way to start the day.

Too weird...

2008-11-18T15:01:00.000-08:00

There's been a lot of buzz recently about Robert Pattinson, most recently know as Edward Cullen in the upcoming movie Twilight and previously as Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movies. Today The Superficial posted a number of pictures of him and Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan) at the Twilight premiere, and while I'm not particularly for or against his looks, I saw this picture and immediately thought of two other celebrities...

Anyone else find this creepy? Seriously, especially the one of Mary-Kate in the middle. I'm not sure which I should feel sorry for, the twins or Robert.

I cook, I sand stuff, I hammer things into the wall...what CAN'T I do!?

2008-11-14T00:45:00.000-08:00

Since Alex and I moved out to San Francisco, I've been in charge of the unpacking, organizing, and "home making" while he went to work and brought home the bacon. So far, I've discovered I have a lot of talents. Consider:

I refinished a $5 yard sale table that has seen a few too many games of quarters and waaay too many years of abuse to be worth keeping.

A little sanding, well, a lot of sanding, some primer, paint and a week (or two) later...

Voila! My new table, black and glossy and smooth as ever. Unfortunately it had to sit and dry in the kitchen for many days. But that didn't keep me from cookin'!

That's linguini with vodka sauce, caesar salad, corn on the cob, and tasty butternut squash. It's like I'm a real adult! It was fun, although it kind of felt more like playing dress up than real life.

I also did a whole lot of hammering and hanging of items, too. It was actually a fun experience, figuring out how to put anchors in the wall, drill holes by hand with a drill bit (no electric drill yet!) and adapt frames that are meant to sit on a surface to hang on the wall.

My real-life education has begun. Here's to growth!

Guest Playlist- Cold Day

2008-11-14T00:38:00.001-08:00

Perhaps one of the biggest influencers of the music I've listened to since 7th grade, Jay shared with me his playlist for "Cold, Slow Days" and I have to say, pretty incredible.

Enjoy!

Sunny Side of the Street- Frank Sinatra

Technicolor Girls- Death Cab for Cutie

Old Cape Cod- Patti Page

Mad World- Gary Jules (Double points!)

Fever- Peggy Lee

The Dumbing Down of Love- Frou Frou

Heysatan- Sigur Ros

Sleeper 1972- Manchester Orchestra

Ease Into Me- Kalai

Set Down Your Glass- Snow Patrol

J'ai Deux Amours- Madeleine Payroux

Cathedrals (Life at Dock Street Theater)- Jump Little Children

My Foray into Bikram Yoga

2008-11-13T22:13:00.001-08:00

So...I just finished a ninety-minute Bikram yoga class. I had a few white-outs, quickly followed by black-outs in the vision, but ultimately I made it through. While I wasn't sure at times if I was feelin' it, I'm 45 minutes past the end of class and I'm really pumped...enough so that I might return tomorrow. Apparently you get the most out of it in the beginning if you come often, and I got unlimited yoga for a month, so why not?

I know it's gonna be one of those things that I'm going to drag myself to, and hate myself for the first half of class, but I really do feel wonderful now. I love the fact that I'm focused completely inside myself and in my literal being. No formulated thoughts, just reflexively doing as I'm told. While its completely and utterly exhausting, it's also somehow relaxing, like there's some yoga button that gets pushed internally and you turn off completely, minus following directions.

I've got some experience with Vinyasa yoga from when I used to take class in Plymouth, MN. I'll know with time how they compare. Excited for this month-long (at least) adventure.

Fantastic for Motivation- Get Writing!

2008-11-12T22:53:00.001-08:00

I found a really great site through a metafilter link that helps encourage you to write. I gave it a try twice, once on normal with strict guidelines (10 minutes, 500 words), and once on Kamikaze-Evil (same 10/500). I ended up writing a whole lot of stress out the first time, and a pretty crazy, actually stylized short story. Never knew that was in me. I suggest everyone try their hand at it.

http://lab.drwicked.com/writeordie.html

Seriously. It's five minutes of your day (or more if you're up for it!) Definitely worth it.

Playlist- Moody

2008-11-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

I've often separated my music into playlists based on what I want to feel when I listen to it, or into stuff like "Driving with the Windows Down at Night During the Summer" or "Music to Wake Up To." My great friend Jay and I were talking about this today, and as I'm listening to my "Moody and I Want to Stew in it" list, I figured I'd share. So without further ado, enjoy:

A Rush of Blood to the Head- Coldplay

Dancing Nancies- Dave Matthews Band

Tiny Vessels- Death Cab for Cutie

Mad World (Cover)- Gary Jules

Do You Realize??- The Flaming Lips

Sundrenched World- Joshua Radin

Pachuca Sunrise- Minus The Bear

Sometimes- Ours

Strange Condition- Pete Yorn

Street Spirit (Fade Out)- Radiohead

Echodyne Harmonic- Sparta

Last Train- Travis

The Beginning of Everything Else

2008-11-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

I've realized there are bits and pieces of things I want to share that don't fit on my other blog, Conversation A. While I could re-invigorate my Livejournal, I figure any blog that includes my thoughts from 2003 probably should be hidden away from anyone who knows me now--no one wants to hear the whiny thoughts of a 17 year old. Instead, I've elected to create this blog with any ideas, thoughts, pictures, inspirations, music, etc. that make up my life outside of advertising. I'm sure there will still be some cross over but I'll try to keep it to a minimum.

I hope you enjoy my brain dump as much as I look forward to sharing it with you.