Momentary Musing

I had a thought tonight, and that is we are always in survival mode. I sometimes think of the way Alex and I are living is a product of being in survival mode. Yes, I'd like that can with the dent that's 35 cents off for purely cosmetic reasons please, thank you. But in reality, we're ALWAYS in survival mode. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be dependent on me. I'm going to pay my rent/mortgage. I'm going to buy my food. I'm going to have these responsibilities without pause. I need to build this into my life the same way I build eating and sleeping in--otherwise, this life will get very tiring.

Knock knock...

You know it's bad when someone can tell you the last time you updated your blog, and when its been multiple months.

It's really not ok.

And so for you, my loyal few, I return, head in hands, but with new commitment, not only to you but to these very fingers typing to you now and the words I wake up each day hoping will flow from them. Wow, well that's a bad start I suppose--sure, the words are coming but really, woof. Edit much?

Hrm. Let's try this again.

I've been spending the last few months trying to figure out what of what I do is a hobby and what is my career, and the truth is, they both come down to the same thing. Research, analysis, and most importantly, writing. I just have to decide what I research, and who benefits from it.

Ultimately, I'm not entirely sure what the answer is, but I know that involves practicing, like a lot. So I'll be back here, sharing the stories that don't have a home anywhere else. I appreciate your readership, and I'll do my best to make it worth both of our time :)

When the Twitter fail whale fails...

...you get this:

Eek. I like the fail whale enough...can't say I'd ever (EVER) buy anything with the whale on it, but I really enjoyed the Livejournal page fail that I discovered the other day at work:

I'd have expected Xanga to harken back to All Your Base are Belong to Us, but I was impressed the Livejournal managed it. Oh man, the web used to be a crazy place...

This is how I know I live below the poverty line

In the early 1960's, Ken Cosgrove was making $300/week.

Almost 50 years later, I'm making $400/week, and I sure as hell don't have a secretary either.

Good thing I've got a man to take care of me. (See, things really haven't changed much.)

Na Husle

I'm not sure why it makes me sad to see others achieving the dreams I used to have. Let me be clear. These dreams are ones I chose to give up. Dreams that were out-dreamed by other dreams. Ones I fully expect to make me very, very happy.

My first thought was that maybe it had to do with the fact that I haven't yet reached the dreams I've chosen instead. But I don't think this is it; no, there's a sense of nostalgia to this that I think would be there no matter what. I felt as though I got the chance to look at what my life could have been, and I envy your happiness. It makes me wish I wanted what you want. It feels strangely like I dropped part of me instead of redefined me.

Anyway. I'm glad you're happy. And I know I'll be happy too. And that I AM happy. 

Go get it.

Stress dreams are the funniest of all

For the most part, I'm really not too concerned about my wedding. I think it'll go just fine, anything that goes "wrong" really won't be a big deal because honestly, what's the big deal in the first place? I'm just hoping to have fun. That would kind of suck if it wasn't a fun day.

But as I've had a few times since Alex and I got engaged, last night I had a wedding stress dream.

First off, Alex wasn't my groom. That's a problem. 

Second, my groom wasn't up front, and I was sitting in the front row watching my bridesmaids (in ugly light purple dresses circa the 90's) walked down the aisle. I then realized I had to leave so I could follow them.  

Third, my dress was shin-length for no apparent reason, and I had on some random shoes. I asked someone if I had time to run upstairs and change shoes, but she said no. I debated and then went upstairs anyway. For some reason, I elected to take a shower, washing my hair after it had already been done. But at least I put on some different shoes. Black flats, to be more exact. Those ALSO weren't the plan. But I went downstairs anyway. 

I realized my mom had cut the flower budget completely, so I made two white paper napkin buds and held them as if they were a pitiful bouquet. At this point they had postponed the wedding an hour, so I went and sat down with some strangers who made fun of my flowers and told me to carry a candle instead. Then suddenly the wedding was happening but I was still in some side room holding my candle. I ran to the door where I found my groom wearing a suit that was designed with tessellations. 

    

Yup, tessellations. And even though he was supposed to be up front and his suit was horribly ugly and he wasn't Alex, I was just so totally relieved to see him.

The doors then opened for me to walk down the aisle and the dream was over.

Ok, what in the world!?!?

Quick:

Rihanna or Michael Jackson?