Knock knock...

You know it's bad when someone can tell you the last time you updated your blog, and when its been multiple months.

It's really not ok.

And so for you, my loyal few, I return, head in hands, but with new commitment, not only to you but to these very fingers typing to you now and the words I wake up each day hoping will flow from them. Wow, well that's a bad start I suppose--sure, the words are coming but really, woof. Edit much?

Hrm. Let's try this again.

I've been spending the last few months trying to figure out what of what I do is a hobby and what is my career, and the truth is, they both come down to the same thing. Research, analysis, and most importantly, writing. I just have to decide what I research, and who benefits from it.

Ultimately, I'm not entirely sure what the answer is, but I know that involves practicing, like a lot. So I'll be back here, sharing the stories that don't have a home anywhere else. I appreciate your readership, and I'll do my best to make it worth both of our time :)

When the Twitter fail whale fails...

...you get this:

Eek. I like the fail whale enough...can't say I'd ever (EVER) buy anything with the whale on it, but I really enjoyed the Livejournal page fail that I discovered the other day at work:

I'd have expected Xanga to harken back to All Your Base are Belong to Us, but I was impressed the Livejournal managed it. Oh man, the web used to be a crazy place...

This is how I know I live below the poverty line

In the early 1960's, Ken Cosgrove was making $300/week.

Almost 50 years later, I'm making $400/week, and I sure as hell don't have a secretary either.

Good thing I've got a man to take care of me. (See, things really haven't changed much.)

Na Husle

I'm not sure why it makes me sad to see others achieving the dreams I used to have. Let me be clear. These dreams are ones I chose to give up. Dreams that were out-dreamed by other dreams. Ones I fully expect to make me very, very happy.

My first thought was that maybe it had to do with the fact that I haven't yet reached the dreams I've chosen instead. But I don't think this is it; no, there's a sense of nostalgia to this that I think would be there no matter what. I felt as though I got the chance to look at what my life could have been, and I envy your happiness. It makes me wish I wanted what you want. It feels strangely like I dropped part of me instead of redefined me.

Anyway. I'm glad you're happy. And I know I'll be happy too. And that I AM happy. 

Go get it.

Stress dreams are the funniest of all

For the most part, I'm really not too concerned about my wedding. I think it'll go just fine, anything that goes "wrong" really won't be a big deal because honestly, what's the big deal in the first place? I'm just hoping to have fun. That would kind of suck if it wasn't a fun day.

But as I've had a few times since Alex and I got engaged, last night I had a wedding stress dream.

First off, Alex wasn't my groom. That's a problem. 

Second, my groom wasn't up front, and I was sitting in the front row watching my bridesmaids (in ugly light purple dresses circa the 90's) walked down the aisle. I then realized I had to leave so I could follow them.  

Third, my dress was shin-length for no apparent reason, and I had on some random shoes. I asked someone if I had time to run upstairs and change shoes, but she said no. I debated and then went upstairs anyway. For some reason, I elected to take a shower, washing my hair after it had already been done. But at least I put on some different shoes. Black flats, to be more exact. Those ALSO weren't the plan. But I went downstairs anyway. 

I realized my mom had cut the flower budget completely, so I made two white paper napkin buds and held them as if they were a pitiful bouquet. At this point they had postponed the wedding an hour, so I went and sat down with some strangers who made fun of my flowers and told me to carry a candle instead. Then suddenly the wedding was happening but I was still in some side room holding my candle. I ran to the door where I found my groom wearing a suit that was designed with tessellations. 

    

Yup, tessellations. And even though he was supposed to be up front and his suit was horribly ugly and he wasn't Alex, I was just so totally relieved to see him.

The doors then opened for me to walk down the aisle and the dream was over.

Ok, what in the world!?!?

Quick:

Rihanna or Michael Jackson?

Need inspiration and exhilaration?

Right now, go download Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind" and listen to the complexity of the guitar during the chorus--it is BEYOND incredible. Then listen to it again. Just beautiful.

A Day in Dolores Park

Today I went out to Dolores Park in the Mission with Gavin, who taught me the basics of slacklining. Definitely going to be a little sore tomorrow, but it was a really awesome time.

I was a bit of a slow learner, and it's a pretty difficult skill. It's not quite like tightrope walking, where there's a lesser chance of the line oscillating (which slackliners call "surfing") and thankfully its only a few feet above ground.

      

While it requires a lot of leg strength (considering the constant adjustments for balance) I think I'll almost be more sore because of the strange twisting and torquing to keep from falling.

But this little guy was AWESOME: 

      

Light cursing in these videos, but definitely helps you get the idea:

Given the chance, you should definitely give this a try.

An Answer to my desire for selflessness

I got the apartment cleaned up and ended up with a whole bag of stuff we didn't need. I ended up bringing it down and donating it to the Raphael House Thrift Store, which supports the Raphael House, which in turn supports the local homeless.

Feeling better.

Hysterical Laughter from Apt. 317

This actually gets funnier the more you watch it, and I can't help but get caught up in how much the anchors are laughing:

Enjoy!

Brand advocates make me giggle

caffocker: oregon trail is coming to iphone
me: so ive heard
caffocker: which means you have NO reason
not to get one
caffocker: unless you kill enough oxen in your free time already

From NYT, Wednesday January 21st, 2009

Regarding Unleaven Bread Ministries, an online faith community-

"The site shares stories of faith healing and talks about the end of the world." - Dirk Johnson

O..k....I guess most faiths touch on or around these topics, but kind of a weird way to summarize it, no?

The Importance of Selflessness, and Self

I've really been wanting to support charities in some way lately. I really really wish I had the available funds to buy some PJs for a local project, and register for the 3-day walk for breast cancer in October, but Alex and I have set forth a financial plan that doesn't allow for a stray dollar (aka when I go out to coffee, I bring my own tea bag :) Some call it rude, I call it frugal). I'm looking for volunteer opportunities and already have a couple warm leads, but it seems misguided to spend time volunteering when I don't even have a steady income. Hopefully I'll find a balance; I really feel like I need to be doing something for someone other than myself, but I gotta support myself too. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon.

A Shock

The past few days I've been concerned because one of the apartments just down from mine had newspapers piling up outside the door. After a few days I started thinking I should tell the office, but then they disappeared, so I figured it was a tenant that didn't work and didn't leave the apartment much. But then today I saw there were four papers and I walked over and, well, sniffed, to see if I smelled decay. I know, maybe that was weird of me, but nothing seemed awry. 

Tonight when going across the street to get milk and cookie dough, I found two police officers outside the apartment. What I had guessed was true. My poor neighbor had passed away, and someone else had collected the papers thinking it'd be prudent to take them off the step so as to not make the apartment look abandoned while he was (apparently) away on vacation. 

I know it doesn't make sense to feel bad about not contacting the office when I had thought to, but I still feel very sad for his passing and the fact that no one was aware of it for so long. 

I hardly knew him, and the times we met were always very...strange. The first time we spoke he asked me to cut his fingernails (he was quite old, and I imagine the task was difficult). I had never seen him before and I made some excuse and shuffled away as politely as I could. I didn't think he lived here because to be honest, he looked quite ragged and our apartment building has rent a bit steeper than it looked like he could afford, so I went down to the office to tell them, but they said he just rarely was out and about and that he was indeed my neighbor. While we saw each other often after that, the next, and last, time we spoke, was when he talked to me about my cell phone. He told me, twice, that I could use it to call Osama Bin Laden. He was clearly a bit confused and I felt bad for him, and I just replied that I indeed could.

I was happy to find he died of natural causes, but I can't help but feel sorry for him, and sorry I wasn't able to at least let his death be known sooner. But such is life.

Oh WOW

I kinda feel bad for this kid, but it is, at once, adorable and hilarious. Ramblings post-dental work.



Enjoy.

The life of a VRC

Yesterday I made a number of interesting calls. These included one to a business called Women of the Moose. Another to a woman who goes by "Twizzle the Clown." Her voicemail explained that she went away for a few months with the circus. One business was listed as being called "Place That Sells Vacuums" but was actually called The Sewing Shop. Still had the same manager.

I won't even go into the one about the guy who asked if I was from covert ops who said I might be his assassinator.

I've really enjoyed helping out at the MDA, but these bits definitely take the cake.

Speaking of bird screens...

Straight from Philly...

Yup. That's my fiance. Picture was taken from Tor's blog. What the heck!? Can they do that?

(It is because of this instance that I looked further into the most recent picture I wanted to put up on my professional blog, Conversation A. Turns out after some digging that I needed written permission to use the photo. I ended up calling the photographer who graciously allowed me to use it.)

Maybe I just don't get it...

...but if bird strikes are a common problem for airplanes, couldn't they just put a metal grid, like a screen, over the engines? Would that really mess all that much with the efficiency of the engine?

Even if it did, wouldn't it be worth it to avoid this?

I mean, even in this case, everyone survived. There have been significantly worse results in past instances.

June 21st, 2005

From my Livejournal, which has been with me since 2003. A nice post to remember on occasion.

People are fighting battles every day. Maybe it's drugs, maybe it's love, maybe it's with death, maybe a missed opportunity, maybe sickness, maybe unhappiness, a bad decision, their past. But on every single day that someone loses their battle, someone wins. If today isn't your day, get up ready to fight tomorrow. At least you've got that chance.

Sometimes you're fighting with yourself, and you can't win that kind of battle in just a day. Many nights, you may go to bed defeated. Many nights you may collapse worn and exhausted. But you'll wake up every day with another chance to win. So why stop fighting? It won't get any easier if you're submissive to something you can be powerful over.

I hate to see you hurting.

There have been MIRACLES in the history of our world. Spectacular things have happened against all odds and with everything going against them, including logic, reason, and life as we know it. There are things in life that seem like they need a miracle, but maybe it just takes realizing that when you put all the positive things together in one pile, what you're looking at is indeed a miracle. If nothing else, it's enough. Embrace it. Thrive on it. Live by it. And most importantly, remember it.

When you do, you suddenly wonder what ISN'T going right. That's a damn good feeling. Best of luck.

Unemployment

Well, I'm back to unemployment. I got bit by the "last in, first out" monster and have to take to the streets again. I'm tired of working really hard just to not get paid (aka the job search). Problem is, its not like something will just fall in my lap, I have to keep trying. The forest doesn't just disappear, you have to find your way out. Just kind of tired of the journey.

The good news is that I've been practicing my violin a lot, so perhaps I'll go out and play on the street. Also, I've made some contacts here and there and can check back in with folks (both part-time jobs and career jobs). So, you know, silver lining.

City Playlist

Perfect for a solo walk through the city. Preferable for night-time use, but still enjoyable during the day. I can't quite find the word I'm looking for, but its for when you want to revel in being alone and just watch the world around you. Let me also say that the playlist is a journey, and not meant to be listened to out of order.

The Dear Hunter- Battesimo Del Fuoco

Kate Havnevik- Timeless

Sia- Breathe Me

Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek

Rogue Wave- Love's Lost Guarantee

DeVotchKa- How It Ends

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova- If You Want Me

Sparta- Air

Travis- The Humpty Dumpty Love Song